Chronic Ruination

so why even bother trying to use it?!!!

Why have I had  this conversation, it seems like,  over and over again since Summer came?!!   It’s like these little dick boys think that the hot weather will make it seem bigger or something.

I  was hanging out with some girls by the pool that I’m ok with yesterday afternoon.  I wouldn’t call them friends because I’d have to be gone on all kinds of stuff to be seen with them out in public.  You know the type, ghetto Asians and Indians(real ones, not the Chris Columbus appointed ones like me).

The types that fuck a black guy, start thinking they’re Nicole Scherzinger or something, then decide to activate their ghetto card.  The types that have been sheltered all their lives then finally come to college and fuck EVERYTHING in sight just because a guy  gave them conversation.  Most of them are what my new dick on demand guy, J.B calls seasonal.  They only hookup with athletes and only when that particular athlete’s sport is in season.

We were all talking about the new guy who works at the bar that’s a few blocks down.  Two of them have hooked up with him….or attempted to.   Sex only counts if you actually feel something right?!!  Keep reading and you’ll find out why these girls aren’t counting him on the list of guys they’ve done.

Let’s call him Nick.  Nick is 28, your typical guido type.  He works the door and then bartends if it gets busy and they’re short staffed.  If he’s working the door, he  doesn’t card if you’re cute.    He just started working there this summer and he’s pretty much almost famous… in a bad way

I’d gotten fair warning from Lex the last time she was here.  She knew about him before anyone else did.  He got 2 fake numbers from me, then gave up.  Guys like him are a waste of an outfit.  He’s cute but short and I’m not even looking at guys under 6′0 anymore.  Oh and he tries to hook up with EVERYONE.

No surprise there, that’s what guys who work at bars do. My question is why try to hook up with every girl in sight when more than half of the  under 130 lb set knows that you’re a 4 incher?!!!  He just wants girls to know how useless he is.  It’s so bad that when I was down there the other night, he walks by kisses this girl on the cheek then goes off to the back.   As soon as he walks away, the girl looked at her friend, held up her pinky and laughed. So did a few other girls who weren’t with them; they knew too!!

Like I said, it’s like they think that just because it’s summer, the heat and humidity combo might make it seem just a little bigger.  Tiny dick boys are funny.  Speaking of…

Over the weekend when I wasn’t dealing with rosie’s slight oversight, I got a hilarious call on my cheating girlfriend EXperience line.  We’re going to call him micromachine mike. All of mike’s problems stem from the fact that his stem is a little slow to develop.  Well, maybe slow to develop isn’t such  an accurate description…

At 41, I think mike’s little friend is probably only going to get smaller. The sad thing is that he’s a doctor!!!  You’d think he could find a cure or something for his little disability!  I think I’m still expecting too much.  He could snort extendz and have a penis prosperity prayer session with the Pope, Billy Graham, the Dali Lama and whoever those Muslim guys look up to.  The little guy still isn’t going to hover too many nanometers over that 4 inch mark.

Guys like that have to take what they can get.  He should have settled down with some plain little chemistry major from undergrad, but nooooo.  He had to build up a very nice life only to meet some woman 11 years younger than he is with a kid 29 years younger than he is who is basically treating him according to his worth in inches. Now you guys do all of the math.

he’s getting married to her soon, she has a boyfriend that is a regular overnight guest in their home.  mike even fluffs and cleans for them.  Oh, and he does their laundry too!!  It goes without saying that she keeps him in chastity, but the best part is that he’s neutered too!!  The wife-to-be made him get the snip, I wonder if she made him wear an Elizabethan collar too.  Well it couldn’t be any worse than the other things she makes him wear, not that they aren’t pretty things of course :).

Now, I was feeling a little diplomatic while he was pouring out his heart to me so I asked him how all of that makes him feel.  He had this glazed over tone to his voice tinged with pure bliss when he told me,

I’ve never really been able to please a woman anyway, so this takes a lot of pressure off of me.

I think he’s onto something, if you don’t have the equipment, why use it  at all?  It’s like swiping your card when you know it’s maxed out.  Speaking of which, she maxes out his cards on a regular basis and what does he do?  Pays them off like a good little neutered boy.

So if any of you “real men” are reading this and wondering what the hell is wrong with this guy.  My answer is absolutely nothing!  He’s smart.  When the odds aren’t in your favor, and you reach for the topshelf item, you’d better be prepared to have everything around it to come falling down!!  mike’s been prepared.  Now the question is, if you’re under 6 inches but want a topshelf girl, what are you going to do to be prepared?  Let’s talk about your options…

Click the cheating girlfriend EXperience button on the sidebar.  You might get 3 free femdom phone sex minutes if you’re new to Niteflirt.

My new boy for the summer, he’s the Trader Joe in the previous post, is officially not my favorite person anymore. The entire week, he’s been up my ass!!  Not in the way you pervs are probably wishing; you can seriously hold off on lubing up the disablility between your legs.

We spent practically all week together.  That was definately not the plan.  We spent nearly 3 hours in Sephora Wednesday!!  He didn’t complain once.  He’s just not that type of guy!  I wish he was though, because that means he’s the other kind…

“Fucktard Unawaris”.   He looks good on the outside and that’s ALL there is.  This kind of guy builds up an almost unassailable front.  He has to because he has ZERO personality. He’s just a self-made caricature of all the guys he’s ever met that don’t ever have their masculinity questioned. Then, when the agent persona decides to phone it home, all that’s left is this clingy, whiny, needy, insecure mess.   Most are breastfed wayyyy past a socially acceptable age.

I just did what anyone in my situation would do; I introduced him to the reality of hooking up with a girl who really doesn’t want a 5′7″ boyfriend. After he finished his “worship my pussy like Lex does” lesson, yesterday morning.  I showered, got dressed, and asked him to leave because I needed a Me day.  The look on his face told me that I was dealing with someone that has the emotional maturity of a 5 year old who just found out that Santa isn’t real.

After he finally left, I went to go grab lunch and take my dog to the park…ALONE!!  I hadn’t had time to reclaim my sanity for even  3 hours when I get a text, “wut u doin, miss u”.  I sent him one back that said, “at the park, catch u later”.  Major hint right?  I guess it wasn’t major enough.  He sent another saying, “ynot 2nite?”  It was ignored with the 5 other texts and 2 “missed” calls.

I already know why a guy would act like Joe does.  Take a look at my hot, tight ass on my all about me page and you’ll instantly see what he’s up against.  How do you quantify unfair advantage?  32-24-34!!

I know what a guy is thinking when he does things like that but what I want to know is, “What ARE you thinking?!!!!!”  Who thinks it’s ok to act like the equivelent of 3 pre-menstrual women having Lifetime movie night with their 3 post partum friends. Out yourselves…you’re paying for another loser’s sins tonight.