Chronic Ruination

…take away the stuffing and neither one is as good.

Too late for a Thanksgiving blog post? Yeah, probably. It’s not like I really do Thanksgiving anyway. There’s just something about the  federally-recognized deodorizing of  genocide that makes eating a  Turkey marinated in a broth of its own filth and some delicious nitrites  seem a little…silly.

Sometimes I forget all about this blog until I have one of those delicious little experiences that I really can’t tell My boyfriend or best friends.

Like I said, I don’t do Thanksgiving.  I’m not exactly what you would call a cultural preservationist…quite the opposite.  My upbringing was a white-washed one. Still, I’m a huge believer in not doing anything pointless and excessive.

Excessive stands so magnificently well all on it’s own… in the right setting.

Right setting being the operative phrase…

Ever since I moved to TX, rosie has been begging to come visit Me he-r.  I’ve been keeping My distance though.   It’s always fun to make he-r feel worthless and unwanted before I cook up a months-long cocksucker’s dream/nightmare scene for it to try and get out of.  That’s not the case this time though.

That slut and  he-r lobbying pig pen is into some things I conscientiously object to as of late.  Not really going to go into the specifics but if it’s enough to  make Me depart from My Buddhist gone rogue notions of right and wrong, believe Me, it’s bad.   That and I’ve been busy.

Not just the “fuck off” type of busy either. Genuinely busy and occupied trying to figure out what to do with myself during these increasingly awkward post-undergrad years.

My degrees are in Political Science and Journalism. Since bachelor’s degrees are the new high school diploma, the choices are:

1. Be a newsroom production assistant/grunt alongside some 30-something boomerang kid whose parents made them choose between that job or homelessness.
2. Answer a craigslist ad for an account manager position at a self-described “boutique PR Agency”.  Only you realize during the interview that boutique apparently means attic apartment and that Public Relations has been reduced to posting craigslist ads and writing articles on shill sites in the minds of so very many of Atlanta’s small business owners. I never even brought out My writing or press kit samples during that interview out of fear that I’d probably get mugged for them.
3. Set up a few relevant  blogs hoping that they’ll be a great way to showcase  your skills with some of  the more established magazines or newspapers that have an online presence.  Only you realize that everyone in your graduating class, the one before that and the one before that…at universities all around the country had the EXACT same idea!  So you just send all those blogs to an early adsense grave/hell and hope for the best. Awesome.
4. Do the “logical” thing and get a professional degree.  Everyone looks better  on paper with a few letters in front of or behind their name, so I opted to go the law school route.  Law school everyone’s doing it!

Law school…everyone’s doing it.  That’s part of the problem. Everyone from twenty-somethings, out of work 50-somethings  and even a few 60/70-somethings who are cramming for the biggest final of all.

The first group of friends I made when I moved was with a 3L  and her fiance who graduated 3 years ago.  He’s jobless and under a pile of debt from the whole experience.  Not to mention his adderall addiction. Nice.

When My 3L friend introduced Me to him as a 1L, the first thing out of his mouth was: “Now why would you want to go and do a thing like that?”  For three months, it seemed like everywhere I went I’d meet someone who was also in law school or who had graduated a few years ago.  Have I met any successful practicing attorneys?  A few, but that all graduated before I was in the 6th grade!

I’m not into feeding the Sallie Mae machine so I cut the impending six-figure  losses and withdrew.  Ever feel impending doom taken off of your shoulders?  Yeah, that’s how I feel now.  My aunts, especially the one I lived with My last year of high school, are  livid.  Guess they’re going to  have to find some other way to taunt their friends with adult children who are indefinitely camped out in their game rooms and sleeping on air mattresses.  So now I’m just going to travel and fall into something. I’m no fatalist, but I’ve got faith. I’m thinking  the Mecca of that faith is in Oslo.  Going to check kayak.com right now and start planning My pilgrimage.

Signing back into Niteflirt in 2 hrs. In the meantime…

I’m increasingly becoming a Glenn Kessler fan… check out his latest.

Also, to the drive by- tribute mystery slut with the  micropenis  who is more  generous than I’d prefer with the pics: Send this week’s tributes here . I’m full from you, give someone else a chance.

Copyright protected by Digiprove © 2011

so why even bother trying to use it?!!!

Why have I had  this conversation, it seems like,  over and over again since Summer came?!!   It’s like these little dick boys think that the hot weather will make it seem bigger or something.

I  was hanging out with some girls by the pool that I’m ok with yesterday afternoon.  I wouldn’t call them friends because I’d have to be gone on all kinds of stuff to be seen with them out in public.  You know the type, ghetto Asians and Indians(real ones, not the Chris Columbus appointed ones like me).

The types that fuck a black guy, start thinking they’re Nicole Scherzinger or something, then decide to activate their ghetto card.  The types that have been sheltered all their lives then finally come to college and fuck EVERYTHING in sight just because a guy  gave them conversation.  Most of them are what my new dick on demand guy, J.B calls seasonal.  They only hookup with athletes and only when that particular athlete’s sport is in season.

We were all talking about the new guy who works at the bar that’s a few blocks down.  Two of them have hooked up with him….or attempted to.   Sex only counts if you actually feel something right?!!  Keep reading and you’ll find out why these girls aren’t counting him on the list of guys they’ve done.

Let’s call him Nick.  Nick is 28, your typical guido type.  He works the door and then bartends if it gets busy and they’re short staffed.  If he’s working the door, he  doesn’t card if you’re cute.    He just started working there this summer and he’s pretty much almost famous… in a bad way

I’d gotten fair warning from Lex the last time she was here.  She knew about him before anyone else did.  He got 2 fake numbers from me, then gave up.  Guys like him are a waste of an outfit.  He’s cute but short and I’m not even looking at guys under 6’0 anymore.  Oh and he tries to hook up with EVERYONE.

No surprise there, that’s what guys who work at bars do. My question is why try to hook up with every girl in sight when more than half of the  under 130 lb set knows that you’re a 4 incher?!!!  He just wants girls to know how useless he is.  It’s so bad that when I was down there the other night, he walks by kisses this girl on the cheek then goes off to the back.   As soon as he walks away, the girl looked at her friend, held up her pinky and laughed. So did a few other girls who weren’t with them; they knew too!!

Like I said, it’s like they think that just because it’s summer, the heat and humidity combo might make it seem just a little bigger.  Tiny dick boys are funny.  Speaking of…

Over the weekend when I wasn’t dealing with rosie’s slight oversight, I got a hilarious call on my cheating girlfriend EXperience line.  We’re going to call him micromachine mike. All of mike’s problems stem from the fact that his stem is a little slow to develop.  Well, maybe slow to develop isn’t such  an accurate description…

At 41, I think mike’s little friend is probably only going to get smaller. The sad thing is that he’s a doctor!!!  You’d think he could find a cure or something for his little disability!  I think I’m still expecting too much.  He could snort extendz and have a penis prosperity prayer session with the Pope, Billy Graham, the Dali Lama and whoever those Muslim guys look up to.  The little guy still isn’t going to hover too many nanometers over that 4 inch mark.

Guys like that have to take what they can get.  He should have settled down with some plain little chemistry major from undergrad, but nooooo.  He had to build up a very nice life only to meet some woman 11 years younger than he is with a kid 29 years younger than he is who is basically treating him according to his worth in inches. Now you guys do all of the math.

he’s getting married to her soon, she has a boyfriend that is a regular overnight guest in their home.  mike even fluffs and cleans for them.  Oh, and he does their laundry too!!  It goes without saying that she keeps him in chastity, but the best part is that he’s neutered too!!  The wife-to-be made him get the snip, I wonder if she made him wear an Elizabethan collar too.  Well it couldn’t be any worse than the other things she makes him wear, not that they aren’t pretty things of course .

Now, I was feeling a little diplomatic while he was pouring out his heart to me so I asked him how all of that makes him feel.  He had this glazed over tone to his voice tinged with pure bliss when he told me,

I’ve never really been able to please a woman anyway, so this takes a lot of pressure off of me.

I think he’s onto something, if you don’t have the equipment, why use it  at all?  It’s like swiping your card when you know it’s maxed out.  Speaking of which, she maxes out his cards on a regular basis and what does he do?  Pays them off like a good little neutered boy.

So if any of you “real men” are reading this and wondering what the hell is wrong with this guy.  My answer is absolutely nothing!  He’s smart.  When the odds aren’t in your favor, and you reach for the topshelf item, you’d better be prepared to have everything around it to come falling down!!  mike’s been prepared.  Now the question is, if you’re under 6 inches but want a topshelf girl, what are you going to do to be prepared?  Let’s talk about your options…

Click the cheating girlfriend EXperience button on the sidebar.  You might get 3 free femdom phone sex minutes if you’re new to Niteflirt.

I had a VERY interesting day on the phone today…

As usual, I get a slut on the phone whose Y chromosome left him a little short-handed.   I never like for these boys to tell me initially just how tiny it is I love building up to it; I like the shock!

Size is so subjective.  My tiny is probably what you consider small. Everytime a guy tells me he’s less than 5 inches rock hard, I don’t automatically think about how worthless he must be sexually.  It makes me wonder what’s wrong with the rest of him, then I think about how worthless he is in bed!!

Thinking in terms of natural selection, actually getting to breed, passing on genes, etc… the most genetically superior members of a species have the most symmetrical, well-formed physical characteristics.  Short and malformed appendages are just one big neon sign that the person may not be who you want to pair up with to make babies…or for  any other reason.

The slut on the phone with the not-so big neon sign between his legs told me that he actually does have a condition called micropenis that causes him to basically have just a nub!!!  Considering the things he told me about his sex life, I thought he was just trying to make me laugh, but he wasn’t.

I still laughed, but not nearly as hard when I googled micropenis and came up with this awesome article. I wonder if he realizes how truly hilarious his question is.  Check it out, and if it sounds like you…give me a call!!  Don’t be a victim of your nub!!  I can find some alternate uses of your sexuality or lack there of!!  I’ll be on around 4am EST, maybe before if downtown sucks tonight.